Jules and Jim

 A few days before my mom passed, we were visited by three cousins and their spouses. The occasion was, those three had attended the wake of our oldest cousin, MaryAnn. Mom had wanted to attend herself and my oldest sister (as she was wont to do) had made plans for mom to attend, but mom and I put the kibosh on that, due to the cold, icy, December weather. We made the right call. Jeff, Jules and Chris made the right call as well to surprise mom with a post-wake visit. To see the sons and daughter of two of her three cherished brothers thrilled my mom so! It was a great surprise for me too, as Jeff and Jules and I were members of "The '57 Club" (as Jules called us), having all been born within a month of each other that year. It was an awesome visit for all, but particularly for mom. 

Jeff brought his wife, Mary, whom I've known for years. Mary was like another daughter to my mom. They spoke on the phone frequently and for hours at a time. Chris's wife- a true gem of a human- did not make this trip. Every time I do see her, I tease her about being a Dallas Cowboys fan married to one of the biggest Chicago Bears fans around. She's very indulgent of my cousin's love for Chicago sports! I admire that. Now, Jules and Jim, in all their decades together, I had never actually met him. I had heard things though...

There is always what you hear in life and what you see. The twain don't always meet. I did not ever hear good things about Jim. Back in the day he allegedly was a cult member, perhaps a Hare Krishna, he was violent and abusive toward Jules- shit like that. Extended family rumor mill shit. Who really knows? When you hear things about others, don't you wonder what they hear about you? You probably should. 

So, I introduced myself as we gathered in mom's sunroom, and he says something like, "I'm that evil guy on the internet". I honestly don't recall what I did say in response to that, but I'm certain I thought to myself, "Which one? There are millions..." Whatever I did say, I deflected to the non-political decorum of the evening's purpose so as not to sidetrack. It worked.

The visit went exceptionally well, mostly I think because we didn't talk about politics. Mom was very outspoken about politics, but she knew discretion is the better part of valor. I like to think that is a trait of mine I picked up from her. I believe I also learned from her that you can despise people but still be nice to them. Yeah, why not? 

I found Jim to be an alright guy. He was friendly, amiable. If his reputation didn't already precede him, and the parameters of conversation were the same, I'd think he was alright. I couldn't be Facebook friends with him though because I think he's under a lifetime ban. Oh well, mores the pity. He most likely is as despicably maga on the internet and with his awful comrades as I have heard. As I noted yesterday, you absolutely cannot agree to disagree with evil people. There is no common ground with horrible people with hate-filled, hardened hearts. But ya know, sometimes people you truly love are married to those people, and mom was right. You can be nice to people you despise. That, at least, is always worth a try.   

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