The Little Brother I Never Had

 I actually have two little brothers, 2 and 10 years younger than me. The two years younger one is the one I favor as he and I went through a few doors together, coming up and we share some bad habits. The younger one to both of us is more of an academic and annoying with his Francophilia. He speaks French, taught it and has lived in France. I admire him for that, but I wish sometimes that he'd shut up about France and realize that I don't have his flair for the language and don't need to be corrected when I butcher French words as if I should know better. I don't. That's the problem with a lot of smart people. They can't seem to comprehend that something they worked so hard to understand, is very foreign to others. We get along OK despite our similarities being different. We are very serious Cub fans. We never had the fistfights that often happen amongst brothers as they grow older and test boundaries. Good, because I would have destroyed them.

My little sister is the little brother I never had. No fistfights there either, but she did and does act like she could kick my ass. She challenges my authority and stature in the family, every chance she gets. It's very annoying. It's quite clear she despises me. It's not clear as to why. It's sort of a family tradition, like in "1984" when it's said, "We've always been at war with Eastasia". it's just accepted family history. 

She actually can be pretty funny, but her humor is more put-down in nature. She says something cruel to someone and quickly smiles and adds, "KIDDING!". She's not kidding. It's likely a "hurt people hurt people" thing. She's extremely homophobic to the point where she just about figures she's the arbiter of people's sexuality. Years ago, when a niece broke up with her boyfriend, she observed that there was no surprise there as the jilted boy was gay- G A Y gay (complete with finger snapping and head-bobbing) and he just didn't know it yet. In fact, she went on, she wasn't sure about the niece either. We were on our way to a family party that night, and at that gathering, the niece in question happened to say, "My friends think I might be a lesbian because of the way I dress." Upon hearing that, my little sister/brother beamed! OMG- she had called it- again! Well, not really. The niece wasn't coming out of any closet, just telling an amusing observation her friends had made. First year of college, who really knows how to dress and act? She didn't mind her friends teasing her. 

Now, in public, little sis/bro makes a point to more subtly put me down with the digs that the family has come to expect. They don't get to hear the screaming of "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" that I get when there are no witnesses around. She has to keep up appearances you know. Always the victim, never the aggressor, unless something egregious happens like me forgetting to unlock the screen door when she would come over to moms. Here in the 21st century with doorbells and mobile phones, most people aren't going to find a locked screen door a hinderance. Sis/bro will because she knows it was done to purposely affront her! Never mind that that had happened to other siblings to. We lived in a nice town, but shit happens everywhere if you make it easy for people with ill-intent. A good criminal won't be thwarted by a locked screen door, but I always locked it to keep someone from wandering in because they could. 

If you know me, I'm very much like I post on the internet. I do not suffer fools gladly. I never threaten anyone, yet many people have wanted to reach through their screens, rip off my head, and shit down my neck. Maybe that technology will happen one day as AI progresses, but I'll be gone before that. I can be a handful on the internet and in real life. You pick your battles in real life though, because some people (if you've been noticing) take things further in real life than they should. So, why do I put up with this shit from little sis/bro?

Because my mommy told me to. 

A million times over the past four decades mom has told me, "Don't fight with your little sister. She had a miserable childhood- her father didn't love her." 

That's verbatim. Out of respect for mom, I complied as much as I could, as often as I could. It long ago occurred to me that, if mom was sandbagging little sis/bro like that to me, she might be doing same- or worse- to little sis/bro. When you give someone agency to hate, you're not doing them any favors. I don't like that mom did that, but she's mom and what are you going to do. Who am I to really say what her intentions were? I can say they are wrong though. Mom and big sister would always advise me that little sis/bro really loved me. No, she did not. You may have siblings of your own. Do you really show them love by screaming at them, calling them a fucking asshole? I'll take that as a "no". 

Mom passed a year and a half ago, on Christmas day. Dad died, barely making it into 1990. Little sis/bro's hate for him grew harder in the past 35 years, as it did towards me in that time, for being my father's first-born son. There's not a goddamned thing I can do about that. In families, sometimes you are stuck with toxic people. Sometimes the deaths of enablers end that. That's what happened. With mom no longer here, sis/bro knew mom couldn't protect her. And I knew I no longer had to suffer fools gladly or out of duty to mom. 

Hopefully, I never see the bitch again. Family. What are ya gonna do? If you can't live with them, you can sure live without them.