To Pee or Not to Pee

Algorithms being what they might be, I've seen several references to how men should get into the practice of peeing while sitting down. (Counterpoint: How about women getting in the practice of peeing standing up? Oh, yeah, that's right. Never mind.  🤷) Evidently, Allison, my aim isn't true. And neither is the next guys. I've heard things...

First up was an ex-con on YouTube talking about meeting a new cellie for the first time, and the guy laying down his one rule. The new guy had to pee sitting down. The new roommate, probably twice the size of the cell owner, said, "Explain". It didn't have anything to do with the "prison bitch" stories where big, black Bubba has his way with the smaller, scared rookie and makes him his bitch. These two were both white and the guy laying down the law was half the size of the new tenant. They had exchanged paperwork, and the little guy was a documented killer. He explained that since he was doing life, he didn't want to spend it with another man's piss all over his place. Fair enough. The big man complied. He noted that this was pretty common in prisons. He also noted that he still pees this way, years later because it's more practical that standing, less messy and more fully empties the bladder. 

Probably true. I have peed some sitting down, but many, many times found that as soon as I got up and washed my hands, then I had to really pee! It makes me feel like I was doing things bassackwards. So, maybe I can retrain myself, but as a guy who drinks a lot of coffee, that's a lot of up and down. Whipping it out is so much easier. 

After a family thing recently, the girl-cousin hostess complained that her sister's husband was a real trial to clean up after in her bathroom. Jeez, I wish I had said what I was thinking: "I don't know how we walk around with these things..." That would have gotten a big laugh as it's just the sort of thing cousin Ferrerman would say. But I missed it. Maybe next time. 

I never really thought about why us fellas stand up to pee. It's the way we were trained. It's the equipment. It's the reason men's rooms have urinals. It's speedy and efficient if you don't think about it. I can't remember what veteran actor said it, but a young actor was advised by him to never wear suede shoes. When he asked why, the older guy told him that he would be in the men's room, peeing next to another fella, and that guy's errant peeing would certainly end up on his suede shoes. The guy musta been a method actor. 

So, have a seat fellas. It couldn't hurt and it probably is better, urologically speaking. Maybe? I don't know. Easier to aim, if nothing else.