Choosing My Religion (and Yours Too)

 It's got to be confusing being a Christan these days. You've got that book- The Bible- that has been around for one third of the 6000 year existence of the planet, but it's a real hard read and wide-open to interpretation, and the problem with that is, those opinions vary and are subject to who is doing the interpreting. To further complicate matters, you've got me- a non-believer- writing this about that. Should I be stoned, shunned or cannonized. (And does "cannonized" mean "shot out of a cannon"? I should look that up, lest they think it does). There are also untold numbers of versions or branches of Christianity in the world and here in the US, and though you may think that you are in the right one, others may not. It kinda seems like there should just be one, to uncomplicate things.

We know that the republicans feel that the two-party system of politics is troublesome and that they are currently in the process of streamlining that into a more fiscally prudent one-party system. They feel that one party rule would eliminate a lot of the bickering that has been part of the system for nigh onto 250 years now. It would certainly make voting an easier process, limiting the choices as they intend to do with voting, or not having to vote at all. Think of the hundreds of millions of dollars that will be saved by not having to campaign for any office, every two years, anywhere in the US, by simply appointing officials. Will the savings be passed onto you? Of course not and fuck you for even thinking that, even though at some point it will probably be presented as such. You have to see that this is a very efficient concept of a plan. It all makes a lot of sense if you don't think about it.

Now, this really comes home to roost with religion, which admittedly, is a business. The American capitalist dream in business is to control a monopoly. They might tell you in The Wharton Business School that good, healthy competition is the basis for any business, but they are lying to you and that is why republicans don't want you going to college. Why fill your pretty little head with such falsities when the truth is free? 

Wouldn't one- Christian- religion be more practical than all these weirdo offshoots like Catholics, Presbeterians and Mormons? And while they're at it, do we really need Jews, Hindus and Muslims competing for hard-earned US dollars? I kinda doubt they'll want that. If you go to the market to get "groceries" (a new word for groceries that Trump recently invented) you may be annoyed at all the choices! Same with religion. "I'm looking for Christianity- what's with all this Muslim stuff? And Mormonism?? Why is that even in this aisle??!!" Well, one religion that you can make the check out to every week would certainly simplify your religious views. 

Thing is, which religion will it be? Probably not yours. It may or may not even be close to yours, but as Biblical scholar, Speaker Mike Johnson often says, "It is what it is". That might be a Bible quote. I don't know. That book makes no sense to me. 

I'm not sure which one the powers that be will choose, but rest assured that you will not get a vote. You don't vote on religious matters! What's the matter with you, heathen??!! Yay, verily!