Not really a Columbo Mystery

 Last night's "Columbo" episode (old, of course as they aren't making any new ones) was about a case where identical twins (played by one Martin Landau) killed their uncle to get their inheritance. They also killed uncle's very young fiancé who stood to collect on his estate. Pretty nasty. Uncle was electrocuted in the tub, and she was thrown off a balcony to her death. Sorry for any spoilers, but the show was from 1973 and maybe you saw it before.

But this is not about that, clever as the show was. One of the Martin Landau's asserted his innocence by declaring that he didn't need his uncle's money, as he had his own. Somehow that was plausible.

Jesus F N Christ! Were rich people not greedy in 1973??!! They were content, I guess. 

Over the last decade since Trump and America made the descent down that escalator in Trump Tower, we've heard Fox news heads, and rank and file maga, tell us that they believe that Trump sacrificed his time and future earnings by endeavoring instead to make America great again. They say this like they believe it, and maybe the stupid fvcks do. They believe a lot of ridiculous shit. And even if they don't believe it, they want others to believe it and love Trump for it like they do. So does he.

I have known my share of rich people. They are greedy bastards. You or I think we could retire in comfort with a measly one million and relax and enjoy it, but that's the proletariat for you! We aim low and settle. For the rich, money is a drug, and they can't get enough. Ever. EVER!

Years ago, I worked for an Indian guy who was the richest man in Illinois who wasn't Oprah Winfrey. I still find that hard to believe because our very wonderful governor is a billionaire. Maybe he wasn't then. Maybe billionaires hadn't been invented yet. Perhaps, at that time, billionaires weren't considered cost-effective. I don't think they are now, but I'm just a poor boy from a poor family, and who cares what I think or how little I know about money? I don't even get paid to write this shit. 

Anyways, the Indian guy was, like most rich people, a cheapskate. If I had a dollar for every time I heard him exclaim, "THAT is not saving me money!!!" I would be a millionaire and quite content about it. The guy really seemed to think the world owed him a deep discount. My brother-in-law contracted a lot of work with him. There was always a struggle over the price. Maybe not a struggle so much as the guy just always arbitrarily wanted to cut BIL's price in half. No mathamagic beyond that. The Indian had no knowledge of what the job should cost, he just wanted to pay 50% less, whatever it was. I'm pretty sure the guy was talking about BIL once when I walked up to him and heard him say, "He's a Jew- like this with money" as he rubbed his index finger against his thumb. The Indian looked very guilty all of a sudden. Not being sure who he was talking about, I just smiled and said, "Did he demand half off?"

BIL is not Jewish.  For the record, he's Lutheran. 

Once when BIL was lamenting that it was always a struggle to agree on a price with the guy, I told him he should come to a price where he's making a good, fair profit, double that, and then when the Indian held firm on his 50% off brilliance, give in after a while. I was only half serious because it makes you look like an overpriced cheater and kinda slutty if you cut your price every time. You have to be a millionaire to have such standards. 

Well, whatever BIL did with his negotiations, the Indian wound up beating him out of $5,000 by simply not paying him. It was probably more, but I don't know. I think to get that $5k he agreed to do another job and thus, didn't get paid for either. The Indian did the old Trump trick of not paying and daring him to take him to court. That's actually time-honored tradition amongst the wealthy who have lawyers on retainer. Happy ending though, last I knew the Indian was convicted of massive bank fraud, and I believe he, the wife and two kids are in prison now. No doubt he asked the judge to cut his sentence in half.

"That's how you get rich" the Indian's receptionist told me once. She said it with such matter-a-factness that she clearly thought it was a good business practice. She's probably maga now. The list of contractors that Trump has fvcked like that is a long one. Evidently Trump was trained to do that by Roy Cohn, but he would have figured it out eventually on his own. 

Just don't kid yourself about rich people. They will never have enough money. Most- not all, all of the time- live to fvck people. They will nickel and dime like a poor man breathes. Elon Musk said: "The fundamental weakness of western civilization is empathy". You can take that to the bank. He sure did.