Bully Tactics

 Bullies. What do you do with them?

Talk to them.

Now wait a sec, this isn't Chuck Schumer talking negotiation tactics for 2nd place finishers. When I say talk to them, I mean like this:

"You're talking to me like you already kicked my ass. When did that happen? Was I even there?"

This throws the bully off his game. They are never expecting this. Back in Bully School, they never mentioned that someone might come back at you with this technique. All they taught was being menacing and delivering knuckle sandwiches. If you were menacing enough, you didn't even have to deliver the sandwich. That's what bullying is often about; someone just wants to get over on you. They don't necessarily want to work for it. In actuality, they don't want you to find out that they aren't as tough as they would like you to think they are.

Mind you, this doesn't guarantee that you won't have to fight, so you have to be ready to throw down. But words to these effects will weaken your opponent. 

"Are you going to do this sometime today? This year? Will I even have to be here?" Shit like that.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Trump's a bully. Have you ever noticed though, he often backs down in interviews when the host pushes back? Even with some women. He gets defensive, but not offensive, unless it's a girl reporter in the press pool he thinks he can take. Never one on one.

Had a neighbor once, an annoying little Ernest T Bass type, who liked to play his music very loud in the courtyard of the apartment complex. There'd be like 20 to 30 sketchy people out there. Not a good time to be a Karen. So, you make a noise complaint to the cops and then to the property manager. Hope for the best. 

I'm gonna call him Buffy, because his real nickname was Buster and I don't recall what his real stupid name was. He was small guy with a crack and drinking problem. Now, in the south, little guys think they are ten feet tall and bullet proof. They do NOT mind getting their ass beat because years from now when they talk about it- and they will talk about it- they whupped your tall ass, not the other way around. That's a fact.

So, Buffy comes and knocks on my door one evening, clearly upset. He starts right in, saying that I wrote a letter to Dee (the property manager) about his loud music. I denied it, because I hadn't. He told me I was a "damn liar" or something southern like that. 

"No," I said, "no need to write a letter. I'm in there every other day complaining about your bullshit to Dee, in person". 

You could see the advantage drain from his face. Any advantage his feeble mind thought it had with a letter, was trumped by the revelation that I did my complaining in person- and often. He didn't know what to say to that. I had upped the ante. He did continue to yammer about whatever, and he had an insistence on shaking hands, which after two I thought he'd finally go away. But he was going through life on the residue of drugs and alcohol, and people like that are just never right, at any time. He INSISTED we shake hands a third time and I extended mine to him and jerked that little fvcker in and onto my kitchen floor, gave him two quick hits in the chest. I told him to get up and get the fvck outa my place. No wounds, no witnesses. 

So, not a fight. I just put him down fairly easy and got in his face. He was used to it. He got off easy. About a month later, he came over by a neighbor's when we were out drinking beer and apologized. He extended his hand for a shake and I laughed and said, "Oh, no, weren't not doing that." He looked confused again and left. 

And that's how you handle bullies. Well, at least the drunk-ass little ones.