This Is About the Size of It

 One slow night long ago when I was tending bar, a mousy-looking young gal sat down and ordered a drink. I served her. She seemed alright, just a little nervous. I perched myself in front of her and scanned the lounge. Not much going on. I didn't much feel like chatting her up. At first, she seemed she was okay with that. 

The suddenly, about halfway through her drink, she said, "So, are you the guy with the big dick?"

I wasn't expecting that. Well, I could be that guy, but I wasn't that guy. I told her, no, he's off tonight. 

Poor kid. She comes in looking for the ride of her life with a guy that surely a girlfriend or two or five had told her was really, REALLY big, and she strikes out. Imagine the courage it must have taken for her to conjure up that opening line. Women then- or now- are not generally expected to be so upfront and pursing a male, especially like that. I don't recall if she had another drink or not. I believe she left in shame and defeat pretty quickly after that exchange. 

Now, the guy in question was Bobo, his real name as he was Serbian and Bobo is either Serbian for Bobby, or Bobby is just the natural course to take in a country where Bobo is a pretty stupid name to have. Bobo was famous for his big penis though. People in the restaurant talked about it. HE talked about it- a lot. He also liked to take it out a lot. I had heard that if a woman wasn't picking up on his attempt to pick her up, he would unzip and whip it out. 

Well, that's pretty fucking weird. I guess it paid to advertise though. The guy probably slept with hundreds of women and, as far as I knew, never got arrested for indecent exposure. Or VERY decent exposure?

I've seen some pretty interesting YouTubes about penis size lately and many of them posted by women have come right out and said women are not on the prowl for oversized men. Comedian, Michelle Wolfe had a good bit about how size does matter. She's a petite gal and said something like size should matter and folks should be honest about it. At closing time in a bar, a guy could tell her he was an eight, to wit she'd reply, "I'm a four- I'm outa here"

The average erect male penis is five inches. Surprisingly (I googled) the depth of an average woman's vagina is slightly less than that, like four inches and change. Your mileage may vary ladies, of course, on other factors like height, weight, age and whatever. I had previously heard that the vagina was more like eight inches in depth and maybe some are, because, just like us fellas, you gals are all different too. 

To me that all means that a guy with five angry inches is filling up the average woman. She should be happy with that. Remember: "Be careful what you wish for- you might get it!"

Wolfe went on to say that far more men were obsessed with penis size than women. I certainly believe that. Guys talk about it all the time. I was live and in person on a job where several of us were on a smoke break and one guy started going on about how big his dick was. "Well," an old painter deadpanned, "now we know how big your wife's pussy is!". Now, that's an old joke, but I promise you it happened. We were literally rolling on the ground laughing. The young guy was incensed but he had walked right into it. None of us were going to let him lay a hand on the old guy. It was fucking glorious!

You know, there are women out there who are size queens. A little secret that you might not know is that women can be every bit as shallow as men. I'm not talking vaginally now, but rather, emotionally shallow. I don't know the depth of their reasoning behind this (<---that IS one of them 'double-intenders') but it is a truth I've learned after my decades of knowing men and women. Sexually, though the parts might fit quite nicely, some on either side of the intercourse might always be wanting more. That's human nature. 

The gal at the bar in the beginning of this, like I said, I coulda been that guy but I'm a grower not a show-er. I may kinda regret not having a go at her. Well, not really, but it would have been great fun if, after we fucked, she said to me, "I thought you'd be bigger..." like so many people said to Dalton, in "Road House". We'll never know.