The Bear Necessities of Life

 This whole 'man or bear' trope currently on social media is pretty stupid. I've been a man all my life and I gotta tell ya I don't much like them either. But, given a choice in the woods of a man or a bear, I'm going with the man every time. It's an easy, obvious choice.

If you have a man with you when confronted by a bear in the woods, your chances of survival increase exponentially if that man is a slower runner than you or if you conk him on the head or just push him down and run like Hell. Duh. Why can't women figure that out? They chose the bear, perhaps because they read that book about bears going shopping and they are like; I like to go shopping!"  Girls, bears are not looking to go to Target with you. They're looking to eat you or kill you. They like low-hanging fruit as much as the next species, and that's why you conk the guy on the head and take off running. Pretty simple.

I don't understand women. Maybe it shows? 

You know who the worst women are? Women who act like men. Why would you be a woman- with all the bad news about men right there for you to see- and chose to act like a man? They do. Yesterday I muted a woman on Blue Sky who got all manly and did a 300 character rant about how she would block any guy who came on her timeline and mansplained anything to her. That's pretty tough talk. Kinda manly too.

If you think about it, no one likes mansplaining. You don't think that I, as a man, have never been mansplained to? I had a dad and a whole bunch of bosses. We all have. They all mansplain. Even women mansplain, but if you point that out to them it's about as dangerous as telling them to calm down when they are angry. Yikes. Been there... Oh, don't go there!

One father-in-law I had counseled me that the best way to fight with a woman was with your hat- put it on your head and walk away. Well, I didn't wear a hat in those days and I don't much favor them now. These days they are functional, practical to the weather- sun, cold and rain. Why hide my baldness when it's typical of men my age and you're gonna find out anyway once that hat comes off? So, lacking a hat, I argued with his daughter. Pretty sure I lost every one of those battles too. I shoulda worn a hat. 

My last argument with a woman was with my oldest sister, early last year. It was the third time in as many weeks that she had consciously chosen to scream at me. She knew that my modus operandi when being screamed at by her was to walk away (though hatless) so as to not be screamed at. It's a good move really. In the world of women who act like men though, this is cowardly. It's a long story for another day, but she was dead set against me walking away and she bounded back and forth like a WNBA point guard. If I dropped my shoulder to the left, she went to her right. Not bad moves for a 72 year old. Gotta give her that. 

Had she been an older brother (which I don't have) I would have fucking laid her out. With certain exceptions, no one has the right to scream at you. Those exceptions are dads, Drill Sergeants and cops. Oh, and apparently women. The first three have earned the right to scream. With some women, it's evidently a birthright. 

I won the argument with big sis. I know this because she didn't apologize after any of the screaming matches. Long story for another day but she lost each screamfest of hers because she was wrong to scream at me. Screaming at someone is usually always wrong, but it's definitely wrong if it's your first or last resort in failing to convince someone to do what you want them to do. 

I'm not down on women. Nor am I up on men. Regardless of genitalia, we are all just people. That's equality. Don't muddle it up with bears and pretend that's a fair or viable choice.