Once You Get to Know People

 Laura's mom (the wifely one) often told me of her friendship with, Shirley Makita- Stan Makita's wife. I certainly knew who Stan Makita was! If you don't, he was one of the all-time great Chicago Blackhawks of the NHL. She name-dropped Shirley and Stan a lot over the five years I was with Laura. I never met either Shirley or Stan in that time, or ever. I never doubted their association because, why should I? People know people. Duh. 

I probably didn't even give it a thought that Stan and Shirley did not attend our wedding. Other plans that day, if I thought about it at all.

Years later, the great Stan Makita succumbed to Lewy Body Dementia, a horrible way to go out. Very sad as he was loved by family, friends and fans. I read the obituary. There was no mention of Shirley. In fact, his one and only, long-time wife had a completely different name. This explained why they didn't come to our wedding! One of them didn't exist!

What an odd lie to tell. What was the purpose? Wasn't it Peter Brady that claimed to know Don Drysdale on "The Brady Bunch"? That ended well for that Peter, and we could all forgive his youthful name-dropping for the purpose of a TV episode, but what did my MIL have to gain in her fictious friendship with a hockey player's wife? Maybe sometimes the best lies are the most innocuous ones. It had seemed to track. The restaurant that my father-in-law had previously run (where MIL had once been a hostess) had had a number of Hawk's players dining there. Laura and I had seen Bobby Hull there on night. Bobby had sort of a reputation with the ladies, and I teased Laura that I was surprised he hadn't hit on her. She didn't miss a beat in telling me he had while I was in the bathroom. 

Well, I get in and out of bathrooms pretty quick. I like to say it's because I don't wash my hands, but that's not true. I do wash my hands. You should too. There was no time for "The Golden Jet" to have hit on her in my absence.

Lying came easy to that family. I found out more about Laura after we split than in the five years we were together. That request for my death really had gotten me thinking about stuff. Love often comes equipped with blinders. Your mind, however, sees things that your eyes don't, and stores them somewhere in the back to take them out for review later. 

I do recall noting to myself that Laura lied to everyone, but that everyone did not include me. She loved me and always told me the truth. That's what I told myself. She would lie though, when the truth was so much easier to tell. The truth is always easier to tell. Save your lies for the cops and murder investigations (if you did it) but be honest about everything else. She had not lied to me about her nose because I had no reason to believe she had ever had a nose job. It was as plain as the nose on her face. That was a sin of omission, which is lie adjacent, but I didn't ask, so she didn't tell. 

I recall us being late for Sunday brunch with her folks because we had been up late partying. We were married by then and a simple "we got up late" would have sufficed even to her folks. They wouldn't like it, but they could lump it. Laura opted to concoct a story about our dog getting loose and running through the creek with me in pursuit, also running through the creek, in my Sunday best and we were ready, but after corralling the muddy dog, clothes had to be changed, and yada yada. I hated being a participant in that unnecessary tale, but I was. "Oh, that damn dog..." The things we do for love. 

I was thinking about this last night when I found a list of non-Italian mob associates on the internet. I was looking for the name of a Greek I recalled FIL talking often about and was also looking for his name. Nick had never said he was in the mob ("The Outfit" in Chicago) but he knew people who knew people and he was often talking about people I had heard about on the news. Well, he didn't make that list. He had come up in Cicero- then a mob town- and with a lot of those people, so it was a lot of neighborhood talk really. I just always wondered because he had talked about those guys, had made a little book himself, gambled and in those days, any successful restaurateur in the western suburbs was s suspected mobster. Restaurants are often owned by gangsters or fronted for them. It's a good way to launder money. 

But stories for another day. I can't think of any direct lies Nick ever told me, but I did later wonder what he thought of his wife's imaginary friendship with the Makita's. The things we do for love. 

I loved those people like parents. Still do though they have long since passed. The day I said goodbye to them, Nick cried when I called him "dad". "You don't know how long I have been waiting for you to call me that" he said through his tears. I don't know why I hadn't or why I did then, as we were parting, but I was glad I had said it. Some people do that with in-laws, some don't. It was definitely better late than never. Mother-in-law, Audrey was crying too. She said to me, "We wish you were our son, and she wasn't our daughter!"  

I don't know that I said anything to that. What could I say? I didn't get it then, but I get it now.