Everybody Must Get Stoned

 Well, except me. I'm not going to say I feel so all alone though. Marijuana has been a major factor in the demise of both my marriages though and, for a guy who pretty much thinks people ought to be free to partake in anything that helps them get through the day, I still believe all things in moderation. Not everybody does.

I came up in the 70's when the rock was still hard and the drugs were soft. I partook my share- and fairly liked it- but noticed early on that pot was not the social drug for me that it seemed to be for most of my peers. I hate to label myself with psychobabble, but I am- admittedly- an introvert. I just don't wear it as a nametag. Already quiet by nature, weed made me more quiet and often paranoid. That's not a good way to be if you are me. I haven't even been drunk in 18 years and that's not some landmark of sobriety to be announced to a gathering of strangers at an AA meeting. Getting wasted was rarely my goal when I cracked that first beer, though it did happen often. I just reached a point in life where I simply didn't want to be drunk. 

I kinda arbitrarily have limited myself to three beers a night if I'm home watching TV or two if I'm a visitor somewhere- and driving. Sixty-eight years and never a DUI. Kinda proud. No reason to start now! Lately it's actually been a struggle to have two. For a long time, that beer that has been cracked at 5pm, has not been finished until 9pm. That's weird and you may wonder why I bother, but I do like beer, just not as much as in the old days. (A couple years ago I mentioned those three beers to some random gal on Twitter and she was aghast. I guess that was 3 too many in her gameplan because she encouraged me to get help. On the thread with us that night was fellow poster, Tom, who is one of Chicago's premiere beer drinkers. A great poster, Tom liked to take a pic of each beer he was having as he made his way around his neighborhood bars. He was prolific, shall we say. He bailed on the thread with that, as he was not one to suffer fools gladly. I bailed soon myself as Carrie Nation's notion of temperance was obviously not mine and she seemed too naive and nice to make sport of.) So, point being, I've long since learned my limits. They might not be yours. That's life for you, not me.

Couples should be on the same page as often as possible. First wife (Laura) and I were not on the same page. I had thought we were, but we weren't. When we awoke in the morning, she immediately reached for her one-hitter, packed it and smoked. Then repeated the process a few times. Wake and bake. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I'm partying!" It was 7am. I told her that if the first thing I did in the morning was crack a beer, I'd be an alcoholic. She said, "Yes, you would be- and you are- but I'm partying!" You know, I never won an argument with her. It was impossible. The internet and Donald Trump would later affirm this, but it was Laura that first taught me that you cannot argue with stupid. Of course, you can, but you will never win in the box score of life. Not by their rules. 

So, we didn't make it two years of marriage. She left me for a guy who was on the same page in stoned life as her, one who acknowledged the words of her fight song that "she's young now, she's wild now, she wants to be free". She was his problem now, but he was too stoned to see it. I was blessed to get out early and realized it even though I had loved her very much. There were no children involved and I'm very glad to have dodged that particular bullet, with that particular target. 

The second Mrs. Ferrerman didn't necessarily leave me for the Devil's lettuce, but she became a devout follower, post-Ferrerman. Interestingly, the guy she left me for was not a pot smoker at all. I think he was also interested in (Jennifer) being young now, wild now and wanting to be free, but at 17 years her senior, he was just happy to be getting some young stuff. He didn't care about being on the same page; just the same book more or less. Maybe somewhere in the library. I don't really know. I wouldn't even care but that we have a son together. Post me, she became one of those cool mom's that gets high with the kids. I'm sure those parents always start off altruistically reasoning that the kids should learn drugs/drinking at home in a controlled environment, but those folks seem to miss the part where the kids leave the house and hang with their friends. Given agency to get high, they will certainly take liberties. How could you not see that coming? Well, answering my own question, it's 'cause you got high. 

I never entertained the notion of getting high with my parents (Bob and Alice) but it's pretty common. Bob was an alcoholic most of his life and from him I learned to not be an alcoholic. Tough lesson to learn as a kid, but a valuable one. Mom never really got out of control despite being married to two drunks, and I believe I got my moderation standards from her. She waited patiently until five o'clock (in the pm, mind you) and limited herself to two glasses of red wine. Getting drunk and trying to forget the past was not her mission. I respected that.

Let's face it; weed, booze- they alter your mind to some degree no matter who you are. It's your job to know when to say when, as Budweiser used to tell us. I wouldn't cross a woman off my dance card if she partook in either, as long as it wasn't her whole life as it was for Laura or seems to have become for Jennifer. And friends- I have worked with hundreds of guys who worked just to get high and get by. All these people would have liked me better if I joined them in that pursuit. But I wouldn't have liked me better. As I tell my son now, take care of yourself first. You are your first responsibility. Everybody else just shows up in life. Don't let their weaknesses be yours.